why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
