I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
