so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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