she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize