Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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