"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
