I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize