just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
