: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
