I wanna passion pit in your ass
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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