I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
