Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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