It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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