bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
