my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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