Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
