I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
