You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
