im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
