Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
