you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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