One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
