That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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