i think my mom watched the whole time
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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