Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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