yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
