just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
