i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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