Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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