I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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