On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
