I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
