Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
