My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
