Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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