Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
