using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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