ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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