I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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