my sisters under your porch take her home
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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