Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
