did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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