Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
