I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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