I'm drive I can fine osifer
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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