Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That accounts for only three of the penises
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
