yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
