iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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