My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
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