and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
