Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
