Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
