You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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