Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
