there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
