even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
