There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so let's talk penis.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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