are you still at the devil's house?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
