I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
