...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My legs feel like baby dolphins
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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