You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
