According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
