I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
