She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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