i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
