Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
