I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
