Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
